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Sh*t Hunters Never Say
The Real Uncensored Version
Richard Baimbridge
October 23, 2024
Sh*t Hunters Never Say
The Real Uncensored Version
by Richard Baimbridge
Hunting Laws — So simple and easy to read.
After watching the Black Rifle Coffee Company’s “Sh*t Hunters Don’t Say” video on YouTube, and a few random others, I decided someone needs to make a more honest, uncensored version. It might ruffle a few feathers, but what good are feathers if you can’t ruffle ‘em? Besides, we don’t have a Board of Directors or ESG Scores to worry about.
Just remember that it’s all in good fun, so please don’t take offense. We’re just havin’ a laugh. With that in mind, here’s our list of Sh*t Hunters Never Say…
Stand behind Waltz when he has a gun in his hands…WAY behind!
“The great thing about hunting laws is they’re so simple and easy to understand.”
“I’m thinking about moving to California.”
“Man, Tim Waltz sure knows his way around a shotgun.”
“Sorry I’m late, I was on a livestream with White Dudes for Harris.”
“I liked Good Fellas, but I think DeNiro really shines in The Intern.”
“My favorite movie? Definitely Brokeback Mountain.”
“Hey man! You want another Bud Light?”
“I’m cutting back on my meat consumption for environmental reasons, just like Bill Gates suggests.”
“I sure am glad we stopped for breakfast burritos before getting all the way up here in this tree stand.”
…and you thought “Good Fellas” was a great movie?
“Real men don’t need Assault Rifles to shoot deer.”
“The real reason I missed that buck was because of the copper fouling in my barrel.”
“Yeah, ‘Glory Days’ was good, but Springsteen’s newer stuff is way better.”
“I know this secret spot on Public Land where the deer just walk right up to ya.”
“I like Joe Rogan…but I worry about all the extremist misinformation.”
“I’d love to go hunting next weekend, but my wife and I are going to a couple’s yoga retreat in Telum, Mexico with a Shamanic sound healer.”
“Only criminals need silencers.”
“There’s a 50% off clearance sale on ammo at Cabela’s this week.”
“Do I really need all these guns?”
“Don’t forget to put the cheese on the burgers before you grill ‘em.”
“The nice thing about hunting exotics in Texas is it’s so affordable.”
“Do y’all have this compound bow in more of a recurve style?”
“I’m sorry, Mr. Game Warden – but the buck said it identified as a doe.”
Antlered — but gender-fluid
“I don’t think those hunting boots really match your outfit.”
“Ted Nugent? He’s a communist.”
“We moved our kids to a school that was more progressive and inclusive.”
Cat Scratch Communist?
“I hunt elk with a .22 to make it more challenging.”
“Yeah, that was my kid that shot up your street sign. Nice shot, huh?”
“Squirrel hunting? Definitely a CheyTac M200 in .408.”
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